The worst part about marriage, to me, is that somehow it erases your entire relationship before that day you walked into the courthouse and then got drunk at Elephant Bar. The question I always get is "how long have you been married?" and I always go into this long spiel about how I've only been married for a short amount of time but I've been with the dude for over a decade.
It think it's funny how if you're married after knowing a person for ONE DAY your relationship is viewed as this rock-solid paragon of all that is right with the world, but if you shack up with a guy for 10 years he's just a LOL boyfriend. He'd still be my LOL boyfriend if it weren't for my need of health insurance. That's probably why conservative Americans are so against universal health care--it's one great way to get people who are otherwise happy heathens to enter into a societally sanctioned union.
I generally called him my "significant other" rather than "LOL boyfriend," but we do from time to time discuss being subversive and calling each other "partner" instead of "husband and wife" so people will think we're a gay couple. I just like that word better in general, you don't hear many people calling their "partners" a ball-and-chain, or a life sentence. Generally you hear about them committing fabulous crimes together, embarking upon awesome business ventures, or playing tennis.
You don't hear people say "becoming partners with someone to have sex is like trying to buy milk at a hardware store," or other variations of "lol women become frigid once you shack up with them." I think that kind of thing is mostly why I just wanted to just be shacked up in the first place. I don't want to hear anyone's bullshit about how our time together will eventually consist of nothing but a grunt upon returning home from work followed by our separate lives of screaming about money and alcoholism.
I don't think people realize, either, that even just living together can present as difficult a problem in separating as being married. When you've lived with someone for a good long time your assets mingle, you own beloved pets together--marriage has changed none of this--our lives are the same as they've always been.
The biggest difference between tying the knot and perpetually cohabitating, however, is you get the stink eye when trying to adopt a pet from Petsmart if you're shacked up rather than married. True story! The person taking our information asked what we would do with the pets if we broke up. I asked if she asked this to married couples, and she said no. I said well if you're not concerned about that with a married couple you shouldn't be concerned about it with us, and that was that.
It's true too--that very bitchy cat is sitting next to me at this very moment, ready to hiss and express anger should I dare disturb her.
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